The Assistant Mother Hen

 There’s always something to be said about first daughters. In fact, it has been addressed several times, from different angles, by women with varying yet similar experiences, about how taxing, the role not applied for, can be.

Whilst I agree-albeit out of sheer respect for the opinions of others-with some of these perspectives, I’ve never heard it being said, how frightening it can be. Okay. Maybe someone has done that. 

Permit me to join the conversation. 

The gurus claim “love makes you do crazy things”. I’m sure being a parent is a true trip down crazy hill, and I have come close. 

You see, I love my siblings so much that I would go to most, if not any, length(s) for them. The fear of them failing pushes me into holding many counseling sessions involving ‘unsolicited’ advice, harsh rebukes, and never enough pep talks. 

Although I am grateful that I have earned access to their lives, not only in a way a relative does, but a close friend, the downside to that is I get to hear, and see their pains, worries, and innermost fears, which drives me into a frenzy, trying to put out fires and slay dragons. 

I can be accused of imposing my methods on them. I will not deny. My methods are proven; I believe that I had to do trial and errors so they wouldn’t. So, I know what not to do. 

I’ll also admit that I do this because the worry of seeing them make mistakes common to adolescents and young adults, haunts me. 

As unique as each of my siblings are, we all have one thing in common: a big heart. Our mother is mostly responsible for this; She’s shown us loyalty, commitment, and devotion, to family and friends. We’ve also seen the pain that these virtues, when unrequited and unappreciated, can cause to said heart. I have experienced this pain. 

Therefore, you’d think with this resume, they’d readily accept the interjections, and redirections when the excitement of making new friends, or trying new things, spill over. And they do, sometimes.

However, in my time, so far, as big sister, I’ve learned that as much as I want to shield them from every toxicity, first-hand experience can be important for growth. As heartbreaking as it is, I do have to let them live and learn, at their own pace. 

I acknowledge the blessing of my parents and mentors, but I spend so much time wishing I’d had a ‘present’ older sister, then I wouldn’t have lived so clueless for a long, long time. 

Nevertheless, my siblings have me, so their hurdles won’t be as wide, or their potholes as deep.